i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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