the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
