a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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