My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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