there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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