Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
