"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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