not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
