I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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