I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
