The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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