I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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