I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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