I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
