i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
