I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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