false alarm. still invincible.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
