We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
