so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
