You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
