I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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