put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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