i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i already hear my dad disowning me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
