it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
