Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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