these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
