I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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