What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
