Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
