Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
