So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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