Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
