then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
