I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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