Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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