i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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