Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
