I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
