we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
