i would punch a child for taco bell
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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