You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize