Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the day after is always just damage control
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
