How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.