Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice