I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.