I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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