I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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