Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
