Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
