I wish I could teleport
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
