Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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