This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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