we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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