O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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