So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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