dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
