Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
