I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
