HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Terrible idea I love it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
