Can i not drive my cunt home
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
