so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
