Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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