I can feel you judging me through the phone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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