he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
