I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize