You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
tonight lets celebrate not being married
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
