just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
