how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
