The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
