So drunk its hurt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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