eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
