u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
