She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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